nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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