APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
