his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Success! We fucked roommates!
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