I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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