I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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