i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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