I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
