It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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