Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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