Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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