mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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