Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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