We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
