Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
