My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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