will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
