Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
