Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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