My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
