Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
