based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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