Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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