I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
