Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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