It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I party with great urgency now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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