I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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