he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize