I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize