Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
MIDGETS
????
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
