hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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