Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
