I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
