If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
