Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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