Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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