you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
