her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Success! We fucked roommates!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
