you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
