It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
