So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
