I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
