A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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