This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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