At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You are the jesus of drinking
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
