I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
only you would photoshop your dick
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
