After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
