oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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