I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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