Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
