how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
