remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize