If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
