omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
