$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
