don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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