DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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