I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
