So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize