mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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