Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
