The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
