yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
