Already got asked if we're dating
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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