I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
