recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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