butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
