end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
