She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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